


Forever Yours

by AceAceBaby



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Immortal Merlin (Merlin), Letters, Letters through the ages, Letters to your dead loved one, Longing, M/M, Post-Finale, grieving Merlin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29117475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceAceBaby/pseuds/AceAceBaby
Summary: A collection of letters that Merlin writes to Arthur after Arthur's death.
Relationships: Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Kudos: 4





	Forever Yours

Arthur,

I’m still mad you know. I always knew you were a pompous, arrogant, ass, but I never thought...I never thought you would be so selfish as to go and die like that. You left us alone. You left me alone. Dying is easy, you don’t have to deal with everything after. All the pain, all the grief. It’s been months and I’m still not over you. I don’t think I’ll ever be over you. So yes, I’m mad at you, because you don’t have to worry about anything anymore, you don’t have to wake up every single day, and realize that your best friend won’t be waiting for you. Every day I have to re-live the pain of losing you, and you don’t have to do anything. 

I’m sorry. I know that’s not fair. I know it was hard, leaving everything behind. I could see it in your eyes as you laid there in that field. You didn’t want to die. I tried, I really tried to save you and I just...it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. Everyone is always telling me that it wasn’t my fault, but I know it was. My one job, my one purpose in life was to protect you, and I failed. It should have been me. I should have been the one Mordred stabbed, not you. I should have protected you. 

Everyone worries about me, I can see it in their eyes when they talk with me. Gaius, Gwen, Leon. Everyone. They all look at me as if I’m something to be pitied. They tiptoe around me like I’m made of glass and I hate it. I hate it because they are right. I feel like I’m made of glass, like one wrong move will cause me to shatter into a million pieces that I may never be able to put back together. 

I miss you Arthur. I miss you so much, and not having you here with me is hard. Hell, I miss you so much I’m writing a letter to you. It’s not like I expect a reply, but part of me hopes that you will hear me. There is just so much I want to say, so much I never got the chance to tell you.

When I’m done, I plan on floating this out onto the lake for you. I just can’t go on with my life without some part of you with me. I’m lost without you, and this letter, stupid as it sounds, seems to be helping me. It feels like you’re just out on some survey, and that you will read this letter and neither of us will be alone anymore.

I don’t remember when I got the idea to write to you, but I’ve been thinking about writing this for a long time. It took me a while to work up the courage to sit down and start writing, because acknowledging something makes it real. And once it’s real, you can’t hide from it anymore.

Anyway, here I am now, sitting by the fireplace in your room, writing to you. Gwen is at some conference with the counsel, and I was tasked with cleaning up while she was gone. I finished cleaning quickly, and figured now was as good of a time as any. 

Gwen has been so kind to me. We have always had a tight bond, and losing you has only strengthened it. She kept me on as her servant after you died. She has another maid as well, but my duties are more cleaning rooms and fetching things. I don’t think she had the heart to sack me, although I’d like to believe she needs me as much as I need her. 

You’d be proud of her Arthur, I know I am. Gwen makes a wonderful Queen of Camelot. She legalized magic, you know. Only about a month ago, but she did it, and Camelot is better because of it. It took quite a lot of fighting on her end, but now that people can see what good it is doing, everyone is happy. Everyone knows I am a sorcerer now too, Gwen wants to appoint me court sorcerer, but I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet. I don’t think I’m ready to move on. Maybe someday, but not yet. For now I’m content to stay here in your room, sitting by the fire, writing to my King. 

Yours,

Merlin


End file.
